For the past several days I’ve been feeling like I’m coming down with a cold. Problem being, I do not, repeat NOT, have time for a cold right now. I have Valentine’s Day parties to attend, a Relief Society lesson to teach, and lots of web browsing to do. It’s important stuff.
So being the proactive person that I am, I started doing a little research and found the CURE for the Common Cold. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, there is indeed a cure out there.
Apparently way back in 1928 a forward thinking doctor named Richard Simmons (no, not that Richard Simmons) determined that rhinovirus enters the body through the ear canals and not the eyes, nose, and mouth as fools like us have been led to believe. Oddly enough, his findings were dismissed by the medical community.
But…German researchers picked up his work and ran with it in 1938, apparently with great success. Again, their findings were ignored.
Here is what you have to do:
1. At the earliest sign of a cold coming on, fill your ear canal with hydrogen peroxide (3% solution – you don’t want to go crazy here).
2. Wait until the peroxide stops bubbling, then drain your ear.
3. Repeat for your other ear.
The peroxide will have killed all of the nasty little bugs, stopping the cold’s progression in it’s tracks.
Skeptical, are you? I’ll have you know that hundreds, yes HUNDREDS of people have used this method over the past five years with great success.
I had to find out for myself. If this is truly a cure for the common cold then the world needs to know about it. It was my duty as a citizen of the great U.S.of A. to determine the truth of the matter.
I had missed the earliest stages of my cold, but was assured that trying the treatment now would lessen the severity of the cold. So I found an eyedropper and began my experiment. It turns out that having your ear full of bubbling peroxide feels really…bubbly.
Here’s the fun part. When Todd arrived home from work I told him what I’d done. He immediately had to try it. So did Emma. So did Jakob, but as he is too young to give informed consent for experimental procedures, I only pretended to dose him. As they waited for their ears to stop bubbling, Joshua and I watched delightedly. It looked like their brains were foaming out of their ears. Totally cool.
Meanwhile, Daniel was at his computer, attempting to find data for his presentation on why we were all IDIOTS. He later subjected us to a fascinating lecture on why the rhinovirus is indeed transferred through the nose, mouth, and eyes, and not the ears. I’m not buying it.
Here I am a day later, and while my cold isn’t cured, it hasn’t gotten any worse. Is that proof enough for you?
My ears feel kind of funny, though.