This morning I woke up and stumbled into the shower as usual. I stood under the shower head for a minute, quietly rejoicing in the fact that I had a tiny bit of hot water left. (I’m usually the third person to shower in the morning.) I had just lathered up my hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw movement.
(Cue Psycho music.)
It was a spider.
I panicked. I couldn’t yell for Todd, because he was all the way downstairs and I would have had to yell really loud, but Elisabeth sleeps in our bedroom and even death by spider would be preferable to waking up a sleeping baby. I couldn’t run screaming through the house, naked and dripping wet, because somehow that just seemed inappropriate while all of the kids were still home. I was trapped. And there was the spider, running back and forth between the shower curtain and liner. Mocking me. Occasionally it would flex its fangs for good measure.
After a brief episode of hyperventilation, I realized that I would have to take action. I picked up a conditioner bottle and started frantically whacking the shower curtain with it. Eventually, the spider stopped moving. It was either dead, or stunned, or trying to give me a false sense of security so it could attack when I wasn’t looking. Or…what I was looking at may not have even been the spider, as it was….maybe a little on the small side. Don’t judge me. Its fangs were probably HUGE.
Now I faced a new dilemma. If you’ll recall, I had just started my shower when the battle began. My hair was still full of shampoo. I hadn’t washed my face yet. At some point, I was going to have to close my eyes while the possibly alive spider sat watching me. And the hot water was starting to give out. I consoled myself with the fact that it wasn’t a jumping spider and it couldn’t possibly reach me if I stood in the very center of the shower, and started to wash my face. And then I remembered the time that Todd tried to smash a non-jumping spider and it jumped anyway. I washed my face really quickly after that.
And here’s the really triumphant part. I actually finished the shower. It may have been quick, but all of the appropriate parts were scrubbed.
I know. I’m growing up so fast.
But if any of you want to come over and check my shower curtain to see if the spider is actually dead, I’d really appreciate it.