Keeping Up With the Jameses

Adventures in Modern Day Motherhood

She’s Making Progress December 3, 2009

Filed under: 406 — mommyoffive @ 9:22 am

This morning I woke up and stumbled into the shower as usual.  I stood under the shower head for a minute, quietly rejoicing in the fact that I had a tiny bit of hot water left.  (I’m usually the third person to shower in the morning.)  I had just lathered up my hair when out of the corner of my eye I saw movement.

(Cue Psycho music.)

It was a spider.

I panicked.  I couldn’t yell for Todd, because he was all the way downstairs and I would have had to yell really loud, but Elisabeth sleeps in our bedroom and even death by spider would be preferable to waking up a sleeping baby.  I couldn’t run screaming through the house, naked and dripping wet, because somehow that just seemed inappropriate while all of the kids were still home.  I was trapped.  And there was the spider, running back and forth between the shower curtain and liner.  Mocking me.  Occasionally it would flex its fangs for good measure.

After a brief episode of hyperventilation, I realized that I would have to take action.  I picked up a conditioner bottle and started frantically whacking the shower curtain with it.  Eventually, the spider stopped moving.  It was either dead, or stunned, or trying to give me a false sense of security  so it could attack when I wasn’t looking.  Or…what I was looking at may not have even been the spider, as it was….maybe a little on the small side.  Don’t judge me.  Its fangs were probably HUGE.

Now I faced a new dilemma.  If you’ll recall, I had just started my shower when the battle began.  My hair was still full of shampoo.  I hadn’t washed my face yet.  At some point, I was going to have to close my eyes while the possibly alive spider sat watching me.  And the hot water was starting to give out.  I consoled myself with the fact that it wasn’t a jumping spider and it couldn’t possibly reach me if I stood in the very center of the shower,  and started to wash my face.  And then  I remembered the time that Todd tried to smash a non-jumping spider and it jumped anyway.  I washed my face really quickly after that.

And here’s the really triumphant part.  I actually finished the shower.  It may have been quick, but all of the appropriate parts were scrubbed.

I know.  I’m growing up so fast.

But if any of you want to come over and check my shower curtain to see if the spider is actually dead, I’d really appreciate it.


One Response to “She’s Making Progress”

  1. janae Says:

    Dude, once I was in the shower and suddenly, out of no where, a spider lowered it’s self from the ceiling on a dangly string and stopped exactly six inches in front of my eyes. I DIED. I’m so feeling for ya right now!

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