Keeping Up With the Jameses

Adventures in Modern Day Motherhood

Drifting Along in a Sea of Coolness January 11, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommyoffive @ 11:26 pm

This morning found the Mission:Impossible theme song playing in my head as I tackled the challenge of getting Sarah to her French class at 6:30 at one high school, then to her regular high school by 7:45, then getting Daniel to his orthodontist appointment by 8:00.  That’s not the impossible part, though, because I just made Daniel do all the driving.  I’m evil that way.  I just sat at home and issued commands.  “You vill drive Sarah to her high school now!  Schnell!!

But then, then my part kicked in.  I had to get Daniel from his orthodontist appointment to his bus stop on time to catch the late bus or I would have to drive him to Orem.  Noooooo!

He texted me at 8:12.  “I’m coming,” the message said.  I had just poured a bowl of shredded wheat for myself.  I started snarfing double-time as I waited for him to pull into the driveway.  And then waited, and waited, and waited some more.  That boy needs to learn how to drive faster.  Break some laws, man!

Dear Neighbors,

I am just kidding.  I would never encourage my son to speed while your children are walking to school.  And I myself never speed.  Never.

That sound you just heard?  Was my mom laughing.

Because maybe one time she was in the car with me in Idaho when I got pulled over for going *just slightly* over the speed limit.  I did not, however, get a speeding ticket.

Normally, though, I do not speed.

That sound you just heard?  Was my husband snorting.

Because maybe one time I got pulled over two times in one week.  Todd was in the car with me for one of those times.  I did not, however, get a speeding ticket.

And ever since then, I have strictly obeyed the posted speed limit.

That sound?  Lightning.

But I really am getting better at going slower.  Especially if I’m driving an ATV.


Daniel pulled up, I ran out of the house and jumped into Big Bertha, and we were on our way.  I took the back roads to get to the bus stop, so that I wouldn’t have to risk running into any red lights.  Bertha and I worked together like Michael and KITT.  We took corners on two wheels, dodging ice chunks and frozen cats.  It was a thing of beauty.  The bus was scheduled to arrive at 8:27.  I pulled up at Daniel’s bus stop at 8:27.  “RUN!!” I yelled. “First I have to surmount this huge obstacle!” Daniel replied.  (I am not kidding.  He really said that.)   He was referring to the six foot wall of snow standing between himself and the stop.  I pulled away without waiting to see if the obstacle was surmounted, because I still had to get Emma to school on time.  She was home watching the wee ones so that I wouldn’t have to take them out in the frigid temperatures.  Josh had already left with some friends.

I raced back through town in my giant Jamesmobile, and pulled into my driveway just in time to see Emma dart out the door and start running up the street in a valiant effort to make it to school before the tardy bell rang.  She assures me that she made it.

I later found out that it was -1 outside.  That’s a negative one, folks.  Way to take one for the team, Emma!

My point, and I do have one, is this:  I seem to be having campaign withdrawal.  During the campaign, my life was all adrenaline, all the time.  Now a fast paced trip to the bus stop is the high point of my week.

In November, I was still catching my breath.

In December, I was busy with Christmas festivities.

But now, it’s January.  It is freezing outside, and I am bored.

So bored that vacuuming made me happy today.

The sight of the recycling truck coming down the street made me absolutely giddy.

I baked some cookies.  And then Bitsy decided to smash some into my my freshly vacuumed carpet.  And it wasn’t a big deal, because hey – I have time to vacuum now.

Last week, I was so bored that I cleaned out my pantry.  All the way.  I took every single item out of it and started from scratch.  Those of you who live in my neighborhood and also have ginormous pantries will understand what a monumental task that was.  Those of you who have actually seen the horror that was my pantry will be amazed that I came out alive.

It is now totally de-junked, clean, and organized.

That sound you just heard?  Was my mom’s jaw hitting the floor.

I am so bored that I actually took Big Bertha to get inspected all by myself.   Except that I took Daniel with me because I had just picked him up from the bus stop.   (I spend a lot of time driving to and from the bus stop.)  And it was just a re-inspection.  I have a phobia of inspection stations.  I don’t know why.

While we waiting for Bertha to pass her check up, I exchanged some pleasant banter with Daniel.  Think Gilmore Girls.  And then the gentleman sitting next to me actually stood up and moved down three chairs.

That didn’t give me a complex at all.

On our way home, Daniel suddenly became very excited.

“Mom, follow that car!  I have to take a picture!  Hurry!  Don’t let it get away!!!”

And just what was so exciting?

The license plate was 411 PHP.

Apparently it’s a programming language.

And that’s when I realized that while I may not have much of a life, I am still WAY cooler than my son.


One Response to “Drifting Along in a Sea of Coolness”

  1. ulyana Says:

    you ARE very cool, Jen! I love how you write 🙂

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