That’s right, others might say I have OCD, but I’m calling myself quirky. Because really, who is it hurting if I have to wash my hands fifty gazillion times a day and can only put five pieces of silverware in each little silverware cubicle thingy in the dishwasher?
But sometimes my neuroses get the best of me.
There was no school this morning, so I was able to sleep in a little bit and still sneak out for a run before the offspring woke up. I stretched, crunched (except that I don’t really do crunches because I hate them but I don’t know what the thing that I do is called so I’m calling it crunching for simplicity’s sake but now I’ve gone on and on about it and I really should have just looked up the proper name), did some push ups (because these Grover arms have got to go), put on my warmest running sweats, gloves, a beanie, and my super-cool VFFs, and I was ready to go!
But when I stepped outside, I saw that the world was coated in a thin layer of ice.
And while these babies may look AWESOME:
They have absolutely no traction. None. I about died three times just trying to walk from my front porch to the road.
I stood sadly in the middle of the road. What to do, what to do? My plans were ruined – RUINED I tell you!
I finally pulled myself together and went back inside, where I took off my mittens and beanie and VFFs but left the warm sweats on. You’re welcome.
Then I ate breakfast, so that I could think more rationally.
Because here is what my problem was: I knew that if I just waited an hour or so, the ice would probably melt. But waiting for an hour would be sheer torture for me, because I MUST! take a shower bright and early each morning. I must. If I have not showered within thirty minutes of awakening, horrible things will happen. Just what those horrible things are, I am not sure. Because I always shower first thing in the morning.
Do you see how that works?
So I was already pushing it by trying to fit in a run before showering, but I’m getting braver in my old age.
Now I was faced with a two terrible choices:
1) Wait another HOUR and then try to run again. But during that hour my skin would be crawling and my hair would be creeping and the powers that be might decide to cancel The Amazing Race and it would be all my fault.
2) Give in to my inner crazy, shower, and be fat.
Luckily, I was feeling STRONG – I finally got to go to a political meeting last night, and I was still riding high on political intrigue and gossip. So I decided to live on the edge. I was going to wait for the ice to melt.
I cleaned my kitchen, which did not get cleaned last night because of the previously mentioned meeting. It’s really too bad that I don’t have a clean kitchen compulsion. That would make everyone’s life better.
Then I did some laundry.
It had been about 45 minutes. The kids were all awake. They were staring at me. They could see that I was not clean.
I couldn’t wait any longer.
I pulled my VFFs back on. And my beanie. And my mittens.
The ice was still there.
If I had been thinking rationally, I would have just switched into my huaraches. They have plenty of traction.
But I was in the middle of an OCD panic – I was not clean, I had ruined my morning routine, and I was going to be fat.
I ended up doing an exercise video inside, feeling icky all the while.
Then I took an extra long shower as a reward for my incredible willpower.
This should have been the end of it, but now I was facing a gigantic pile of laundry and I have to listen to my Pandora station while I’m folding laundry because clothing just folds more nicely with the right music and I could not get my old dinosaur computer to work at all and I couldn’t get the speakers to work on Daniel’s computer and I was still all jittery because of my late shower and my world was about to end when I remembered that Todd’s brand new super-shiny fancy-schmansy laptop was downstairs.
It isn’t downstairs anymore. It’s balanced precariously on our loft wall (shh…don’t tell Todd), blasting out my favorite tunes. The laundry is all folded, I am clean, and all is well with my little world.
Until next time.