I am afraid of dryer vents.
More specifically, I am afraid of the contents of my dryer vent catching on fire and burning down my house. I really should be more careful about which news stories I choose to read.
Because of this completely rational fear (I’m looking at you, Todd), our dryer vent might get cleaned out just a little bit more than the average person’s. Few things bring me more joy than balancing precariously on a ladder while shoving a scrubby into the depths of my dryer’s ventilation system.
Todd does not find the same joy in the process.
But a few weeks ago I was busy doing…something. I have no idea what it was now. And the dryer vent HAD to be cleaned. That day. Or my house was going to explode. I was sure of it.
So I made Todd do the dirty work while I was away.
In the process, he broke off some (ahem*all*ahem) of the little vent slat cover things. He thinks that they had taken too much abuse during all of my years of dryer vent cleaning. I think that he’s just not very good at cleaning out the dryer vent.
And then we went on vacation.
I knew better, I really did. But the ocean was calling my name, and I didn’t have time to worry about the gaping hole in the side of our house. Besides, I knew that no laundry would be washed while we were away.
Then we came back.
And I started to hear strange scratching noises coming from my vent. And chirps. Teeny, tiny, baby bird chirps.
THERE IS A FAMILY OF BIRDS LIVING IN MY DRYER VENT!!!!
You can imagine my dismay. I have a hard time running my dryer if I think the tiniest bit of lint might be trapped in it. Now there are actual birds. Cute, helpless, unable to fly away birds. Who also poop. Poop is bad. Poop in a dryer vent is very bad. (Excuse me while I hyperventilate.)
If we remove the nest, the baby birdies will die.
Cute baby bird murder is also bad.
I might need to borrow someone’s clothesline for the next few weeks.