They were perfect. They really were.
Against all odds, I stumbled upon an adorable pair of white capris for only eight dollars. An adorable pair of white capris for the low, low price of $8.00 that actually fit me and didn’t make me look like a praying mantis.
Have I mentioned that they were very white? Very, very white. White enough to make my legs look almost merely pale, instead of the blinding shade of white they usually are. (By the way, they are only blindingly white in the middle of summer when I have achieved my deepest level of tan. In the middle of winter, my legs are so white that the English language does not contain words to adequately describe them. It’s sad, really.)
These capris were cute. And white. And I wore them exactly once.
I washed them. And dried them. With a tube of bright red lipstick.
And now my cute, white, non-albino-praying mantis leg-looking capris look like they have developed a nasty case of the measles.
Dawn Dishwashing Detergent and a Toothbrush
And washing them three different times with three different water temperatures.
Alas, it has all been in vain.
Goodbye, my cute polka-dotted once-white capris that allowed my freakishly long blindingly white legs to look almost normal. I may regret the way we ended, but I will never regret what we had.