Last week, I had a consultation with my personal hairstylist, a.k.a Sarah. My hair looked dull and dingy and yellow.
“You need to get a good shampoo,” she said confidently, and away we went to the beauty supply store.
I began to browse through the shelves of lovely shampoo bottles while Sarah headed straight to a section of boring, frumpy-looking shampoo. “This is what you need,” she said. I took the pasty white bottle from her hands and unscrewed the lid so that I could examine the contents inside. The shampoo was black, and slimy, and smelled vaguely like warthog sweat.
“Eeew, it’s yucky!” I said in my most mature fashion.
“It’s supposed to be that way.”
“But it’s black!”
“It’s purple. Purple cancels out yellow.”
“It smells bad.”
“That’s because it doesn’t have any senseless fillers in it.”
“I want this one over here. It’s bottle is prettier and it smells good.”
“You don’t need that one. You need this one.”
“But I want to smell pretty!”
“Do you also want yellow hair? Look, Mom, I know my product, and you need this one.”
I grudgingly put my beautiful bottle of amber colored, exotic smelling shampoo back on the shelf and purchased the ugly jar of swamp goo.
The next day, I poured the black shampoo of death and decay onto my hair. I lathered, let it sit the prescribed 3 – 5 minutes, rinsed, rinsed, rinsed, and conditioned. My hair was actually feeling kind of awesome. The shampoo was working!
I was filled with indescribable joy, right up until I looked in a mirror.
Yep. My hair is now a lovely shade of Kelly Osborne purple-gray.
And it won’t. wash. out.