Keeping Up With the Jameses

Adventures in Modern Day Motherhood

I Totally Know How to Party November 10, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommyoffive @ 9:31 pm

Whew!  I think I must have entered some sort of time warp because this week FLEW by in a blur of assemblies, church activities, and candy wrappers.  Before I knew it, Saturday was upon me.  I went to work (there are always at least five teachers at school every Saturday), ran some errands, and then I got to hang out with one of my most awesome friends for her (a few weeks late) birthday.

We began our evening with some yummy Sri Lankan food at the Banana Leaf. 

ImageWhy yes, that is a terrible food picture.  It could be worse though – at least I haven’t started taking duck-face selfies yet.

Once our appetites were appeased, it was time for the real fun to begin.

That’s right – we went to Barnes and Noble. 

And now, ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for me to call attention to an extremely disturbing Christmas trend.

Elf on the Shelf.

From the website:  “The Elf on the Shelf® is a special scout elf sent from the North Pole to help Santa Claus manage his naughty and nice lists. When a family adopts an elf and gives it a name, the elf receives its Christmas magic and can fly to the North Pole each night to tell Santa Claus about all of the day’s adventures. Each morning, the elf returns to its family and perches in a different place to watch the fun. Children love to wake up and race around the house looking for their elf each morning.”

Sounds innocent enough, right?


Exhibit A:


He’s creepy.  Just…creepy.  I don’t know about you, but even as an adult, the thought of that disturbed little elf prowling around the house and spying on me is the stuff of nightmares.  

Apparently, the Elf of the Shelf people are out to ensure that every child in America is suffering from terror induced sleep deprivation, because there were Elf displays EVERYWHERE.  I now give you exhibit B:





But wait – it gets worse.

Now you can accessorize your Elf.

With a sparkly skirt.

Exhibit C:



Because nothing says “Christmas Cheer” like a pint-sized cross-dressing pedophilic elf.

In case having the manic little goblin stare silently at you while you’re going about your day isn’t enough, you can also get interactive with your elf.

Exhibit D:




I really wish that I had more time to spend on this post, because I haven’t even come close to describing the true horror of the elf.

And just in case you aren’t convinced that the elf is the most insidiously creepy toy ever invented, I’ve saved the most horrifying part for last.

Exhibit E:  The BIRTHDAY Elf



That’s right.  It’s not enough for the Elf to terrify small children during Christmas time.  Now he’s out to ruin their birthdays, too.

While wearing a sexy cupcake costume.

I’ll just let you digest that for a minute. 

Sweet dreams tonight.

Oh, and lest you think that I spent the entire evening obsessing over an evil elf, I also did some serious shopping.

I present to you exhibit F:

ImageI think this needs to be my new coffee table book.


It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year! November 3, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — mommyoffive @ 9:14 pm

Ah, Halloween.  So much fun, so little time.

My cute scouts carved some jack-o-lanterns all by themselves.




Believe it or not, no blood was shed during the carving of these pumpkins.

I wish I wish I wish I could show you some pictures of my sweet second graders on Halloween day.  We had a BLAST!  I loved having a day to just have fun with my students (now, now, don’t worry – we did some math – in the dark with flashlights and spooky music playing in the background).

Bizzie began the month with a very cute Minnie Mouse costume.  Then she broke the ears.  Then she lost the ears.  She ended up being a …princess?…doll?…mobster wife?…instead.


Please ignore the messy porch.  We had a rotten pumpkin incident.  Yes, it was nasty.

Also please ignore the non-traditional trick-or-treating bags.  It’s possible that I forgot that tiny detail.  Or maybe I just knew that giant gift bags would hold more candy.

No worries, though.  The Halloween weather was beautiful, and the munchkins have been solely subsisting on candy all weekend long.

And the weather now?  It’s snowing.